
Having places where your kids can stay over while you are busy will not make up for your availability with your kids. At best, those places spare you more time to pursue other interests while it also creates a bigger vacuum for you to fill up. I spoke with a woman who had to let go of a flourishing career in a country to join her husband in another country. She spoke of how big the sacrifice was and how much friction it created in her marriage.
The first huddle for the family was for them to live together in the same country. After achieving that, which came with the human letting go of her job, the second huddle was making time to be available for the kids while her husband was not around. This means that she could not aggressively pursue other passions. Not that she can’t, but at what price.
I asked her to look back and do an assessment if the sacrifice was worth it. She didn’t hesitate before saying yes. As a mother of two boys, she said being available helped her see and manage tendencies in his boys. I think many times young parents find it difficult to have difficult conversations and even more difficult to make sacrifices for the sake of raising good kids.
It can be very painful to imagine what ones life would have been if one is pursuing a particular career and having to set it aside to be an active mother. The woman I spoke with believed that women make more sacrifices in marriage, and I don’t doubt her reality. I also believe it could be both ways too even if it’s on a few occasions. You can’t be selfish in marriage.